Day One-hundred-and-three: Awake at night

I'm actually writing this at 5:03 AM, according to the clock on my MacBook, but I woke up almost two hours earlier. I read a bit and when I couldn't go back to sleep for my thoughts, I decided that I would be better served to write some of them down. I've chosen this forum.

My reading was escapist reading, on top of which from a book I had read before. It didn't add anything to my development and wasn't boring enough to put me back to sleep, if I could have gone to sleep anyway.

My wakefulness started with a dream, which was probably caused by the relatively late consumption of chips and salsa. At least the chips are gone now so I won't have that temptation for a while as this memory will keep me from buying more, for a while.

The dream that I no longer remember the details of was about Marilyn, which triggered the memory that is now indirectly keeping me awake. The problem is that I breathe through my nose when I sleep and crying fills up my nose.

The memory was of the time Marilyn told me she couldn't do Protocel. I had just come home from work and she was somewhat reclined on the green couch so I sat down across the room on our leather sofa bed, in its couch configuration. While she never stopped wanting to live, this was the first time she stopped trying. What makes me cry though is that I didn't jump up and go hold her. I instead tried to insulate myself from feeling, which makes me feel all the worse now. As I now recall, I was sleep deprived numb.

Protocel was to be consumed every six hours. Our chosen times were 2-8-2-8. My oldest daughter had found a multiple hour time which I used as an alarm clock for the 2:00 AM dosage, which may now be why I can't sleep now in greater than six hour increments, or last night in three. Marilyn had even talked with a cancer survivor who attributed it all to Protocel. I don't know that Protocel would have worked, but for it to have, it needed to have been taken before her body started shutting down.

On to other matters...

It's 38 degrees outside and 62 degrees inside. I've put on a sweatshirt but see that at some point I am going to have to start the furnace, or bake something. Since I have to clean up the kitchen anyway, I might as well get to that and bake something. This cold definitely puts off cleaning myself up. I'll do that after I exercise. At least that way I have the benefit of the Scandinavian sauna effect where I'm able to withstand the cold because my body is warmer. What passes for winter has come to Pacifica.

After writing the above, and cleaning the kitchen, I went back to bed for three hours. Then I got up and exercised, less vigorously, which still warmed me up. Speaking of warming up, it is now 68 degrees inside and out.

I watched Ohio State win a truly lackluster game. I was more alert when the people in the stands were on TV as I was trying to see someone I recognized. I didn't.

After last night I needed a day that was basically vegetative. To that end this day has been very successful. I just hope I don't have too many of these in my Life after Layoff. Still, I've also learned that I shouldn't try to write when I'm this tired.