Day Thirty-seven: Celebrating 60

When I got up this morning, I sang "Happy Birthday" to my wife who would have turned 60 on this day. My plans were to have a quiet day of reflection and remembrance, hiking to her favorite Pacifica spot in the morning and doing something else in the afternoon. I cried when I sang "Happy Birthday;" I cried when I IM'd my son; I cried when I talked with my oldest daughter; I cried when I talked with my youngest daughter; and I cried when she got here. My eyes are even tearing up as I write this.

[Picture taken at King's Canyon in June of 2005, when she had cancer but before it was diagnosed.]

Yes, I still miss her, even painfully so, but a lot of the tears were due to more pleasant memories, all of which are bittersweet.

My daughter and I did hike to where the Portola Expedition discovered the San Francisco Bay, starting at 1:00 PM. We also stopped into a furniture store that Marilyn really liked, and had taken me there to look at stressless recliners, which is why we went there today, to look at them for me. (I've needed a new recliner ever since my old "Blue" was taken to the dump.) After we got back to the house, we each had one of the vegan chocolate cupcakes that I had made, with a commemorative birthday candle. We then went to Greens, Marilyn's favorite San Francisco restaurant. Greens was, and may still be, associated with a Zen Buddhist farm in Marin. It is completely vegetarian, with some vegan options. We went there a couple times when she was still on the Gerson Therapy as they allowed her to bring in her Gerson food since it was very much vegetarian. (If the lymphedema hadn't effectively halted this therapy, I believe she would have lived.)

I remember back before this recent round of cancer, I was planning on having a big blowout embarrassing birthday party for her on her 60th. I had kept from doing this at earlier milestones because, since I was slightly younger than her, she would have been able to obtain her revenge. I figured that at 60 I was myself to old to care and everyone should have at least one embarrassing birthday. I guess change is the essence of life, even Life after Layoff.

Marilyn, you are still loved. I just wish you could be here to share my freedom. We would be traveling this whole year, but somehow traveling by myself just doesn't have the appeal. Even driving around here I find myself thinking: "Marilyn would have loved that;" or "I'd like to tell Marilyn about this."

Day Thirty-three: Charged up and "raring" to go

Today started at 5:00 AM. Yes, I know it is a Saturday, but I went to sleep earlier the night before and I can only stay in bed so long. I've decided to up my Glucosamine/Chondroitin daily intake to the recommended dose. (I was doing half doses.) Maybe the proper dose will allow my joints to stay in one place longer.

The longer day allowed me to get more done. It still wasn't everything on my list but I'll just pretend the list was for the whole weekend. I did some things not on my list, such as: sweeping the drive. I live on a flag lot, which has a disproportionally longer drive and my non-flag lot neighbor's plants and trees hanging over the fence and dropping stuff on my drive. I decided before I washed my vehicles, I needed to clean up the the debris so the water from the washing wouldn't make the debris worse.

Then, to wash the truck I had to move it. After over 24 hours of charging, the battery was still dead. So, I took it out and went to Kragen Auto Parts for a replacement. When I got back with it, I decided that I'd better check and make sure it was fully charged before I put it in. It wasn't. So, I left it trickle charging and went off to do other things, like lunch.

Lunch was a Mango Black Bean Salad, a large Green Salad with pinto beans, and one of my cupcakes with Mixed Berry soy yogurt and fresh raspberries. After lunch I decided that I'd better make sure my motorcycle started. I was relieved when it did. Then I decided to check my tires' pressures. Surprisingly, only the truck's tires were fully inflated. I added air to the motorcycle's tires, the Prius' tires and my pedal bike's tires. Then I decided that since my motorcycle was running and had air in the tires, I should take it for a spin to make sure the battery was properly charged. I only had work to do if I didn't. Besides, it was a short trip of just about 50 miles, but to go even that far I had to get gas.

The nice thing is, when I got back, the battery was fully charged. Even better, when I put it in the truck, it started right up. So I positioned it for my multiple vehicle washing and went in to fix and eat dinner. I won't bore you with yet another menu, but I decided to start the "Almost No Knead" bread. Then I saw that I needed to use up an eggplant I had purchase and I wanted to make a Balsamic vinaigrette, basically balsamic vinegar, seasoned rice vinegar, and crushed garlic. It is really good and has very few calories. Since I was going to make my special "Gerson" ratatouille, lots of onion, lots of garlic, eggplant, and tomatoes, I could just clean more garlic at the same time and get two things for the garlic bother of one. My Life after Layoff is really cooking.

I never did get back out to wash the vehicles.