Day One-hundred-and-fifty-three: Beautiful country

Today's traveling was so beautiful, I decided to take the more scenic route another day.  I've been in three states today, Arizona twice.  The first time I entered Arizona, on I-15, I thought sure I was going to have to go into a tunnel but instead there were several curves through some beautifully sliced rock walls.  After I was through the slices, it was difficult to see much change as the canyon walls were just as shear but perhaps a little further from the road.  Both were spectacular.

Even though I had only gone 139 miles, I decided to get gas in St. Georges.  Then I changed my Prius navigation system to area three and my destination as the Zion National Park Visitor's Center.

Zion was spectacular as well.  Since I had to pay $25 just to drive through it, I decided to take the shuttle all the way to the end of the road and walk another mile into the canyon.  The pictures I took on the walk were good but cannot show it well.  (While at the end, I did my guided meditation with the roar of the water as the background.  I could hardly hear the voice on my ipod for the water.)  I didn't stop anywhere else in Zion National Park because I couldn't have seen it all and one more wouldn't make that much difference.  I'll just have to go back.  (Yet another place that Marilyn would have really loved.)

Leaving Zion, I set my Prius up for a Best Western in Farmington, New Mexico.  I figured I could get there before midnight.  Then as I drove through more and more spectacular scenery, I decided to stop before dark, which finds me in a Courtyard by Marriott in Page Arizona.  Their restaurant isn't open for dinner and I didn't feel like driving to a less than satisfactory non-vegan restaurant.  (Although a hot meal is becoming more attractive the further in time I am removed from my last one, Thanksgiving Day.)

I was surprised at some of the sizes of the towns, well one town, Kanab, on this side of Zion.  I think it had everyone of the fast food standards.  Glen Canyon and Escalante were also spectacular.  I didn't even bother taking pictures of all the beautiful swirling and layered red and pink and white rocks.  I just enjoyed them.

I'm going to have to travel more in my Life after Layoff.  I wish I had done so in my life before layoff.

I finished listening to the Garrison Keeler CDs.  The last one, number five, had a long skit on jokes with guest Paula Poundstone.  The last two came from one of the musicians:

• What is the definition of a "perfect pitch?"  It is when you throw a banjo in the dumpster and it doesn't touch the sides.
• Son to father:  "When I grow up I want to be a musician."  Father to son:  "Son, you can't have it both ways."

Day One-hundred-and-fifty-two: Nevada Backcountry

I didn't look in the Atlas for the "as the crow flies" distance between Reno and Las Vegas, but I followed the short route on my Prius navigator.  This had me going NW, SE, E, and S.  It also had me on a wash board dirt road for what turned out to be only 14 miles.  The maximum speed I could go on that road made me believe the Prius' navigation estimate of 11 hours.  It was actually closer to eight hours.

The scenery before it got repetitive was really great.  Even the repetitive parts were great, but literally two or three hundred miles of high desert caldera looking land.  Every once in a while I had to cross the rims that it looked like the caldera through up.  I did take some pictures.

I had my doubts about the dirt road that got worse.  About a mile from Alt 95, right at Fortchurchill, it became paved again. I thought that I was coming up on a town but it turned out to be a Nevada Auto Test site.

The mountain tops were dusted with snow but the road level was clear, even at the plus six thousand feet.  While still on the dirt road I passed a formation that looked like a small version of the Devil's Postpile.

The dirt road ran along Carson River.  I took a picture but all that can be seen are trees.  Of course in a desert, the only place a tree can grow is where there is water.  This route took me through Virginia City.  Marilyn and I did make it to Virginia City once because she wanted to see the city that the Cartrights rode to from the Ponderosa.  (We drove by the Ponderosa a couple times near Lake Tahoe but never stopped there.)  We toured "The Way It Was" museum and I thought about stopping and taking a picture but that was when the Prius was telling me it would take 11 hours to drive to Las Vegas.

I'm sure Marilyn would have liked Tonopah and Goldfield.  She probably would have had me pull into the 20-mile beach at Walker Lake.  There were long stretches where we couldn't have stopped for a rest break and I made it all the way to my exit in Las Vegas, which was surprising, given the amount of water I drank.  The air is dryer.

I set the Prius up to take me to a Whole Foods in Las Vegas to post my flyer for the Marilyn Westbrook Garment Fund.  As I was leaving Reno, I happened to be driving right by a Whole Foods, so I stopped in.  They didn't allow customer postings.  All the way to Las Vegas, this stuck in my mind.  But when I got to the Las Vegas Whole Foods, as I was checking out, I asked the clerk about posting it.  She said, "Sure, just put it on the bulletin board over there."  There was a perfect open space for it.  I'll still have quite a few left when I get back to Ohio and West Virginia so I will have to take a different way back to California.

Early tomorrow I want to leave for Zion National Park.  I don't intend to stay there long as I also want to get all the way to Gallup.  I had thought to take a more northern route into Taos but that would be even further on roads that zig zag as much as my Nevada travels today.

Even though I have not burned through all the money I set aside to gamble with, I will not be going out to a casino tonight.  Conflicting desires mean that I'd prefer to go to sleep early to be able to get up early over getting all smoked up again.  Tough choices in my Life after Layoff.  Oh well, there are Indian Casinos in New Mexico and River Boat casinos in Saint Louis.  And there is always the return trip.

Day One-hundred-and-fifty-one: More memories

I'm staying in a hotel in Reno that Marilyn and I once stayed at.  I had forgotten how bad it was but at least it is reasonable, and has free WiFi.  I walked over to the Peppermill casino to have dinner but their only likely source of vegan food was a Chinese restaurant that will open the middle of December.  So, I gambled before I walked back to hotel to eat out of my traveling stash.  (I'm limiting myself to $100 per casino unless I'm using their money.)  However, I decided not to reinvest $30 in winnings and the original $20, which means that I only lost $50.

At this rate, my Den of Inequities tour will be very short.  Cigarette smoke and losing take the luster off of it.  I can tolerate the cigarette smoke much better if I'm winning but to have to pay for the punishment...

This trip so far is a series of memories of Marilyn.  Auburn and the Grass Valley turn off all the way to Grae Eagle.  Auburn itself.  Truckee.  She loved to poke around in Truckee's stores.  We were there more than once.  One time we even went skiing at the downtown Truckee ski slope.  She said it reminded her a lot of Mansfield.

Even Reno has several memories, our first or second Thanksgiving on the road was a trip to Reno to stay at the Flamingo Hilton.  As we were walking up to check-in, my son, who was no older than five, was jaw dropping amazed at the machines that gave real money.  Someone had just hit a minor jackpot and the machine was paying out.  Now they are all paper.  It definitely takes the fun out of it and makes it easier to go through money.  There's no slowing to look for double dated, 1976, quarters or pulling out state quarters.

Life keeps changing.  I guess that's what makes it Life after Layoff.

It is a longer drive to Reno from Pacifica than Fremont anyway and the stop, stop, and go around I-680 didn't help.  I think I will try and stop while it is still daylight tomorrow, which means that I need to get to bed early enough to get up and get out early.  So, its off to the shower and then to bed.

Day One-hundred-and-fifty: Give love

I still read the Huffington Post although my topics have expanded somewhat.  On an economic article about how the retail stores are in a pricing death spiral, a short comment just jumped out at me:  "Give love.  It costs nothing and the payback is enormous."

It is late and I have an early day tomorrow, just not for the reason I had originally planned, but that is the nice thing about a Life after Layoff, my plans can change without impact to my life.

To make a long story manageable, my youngest daughter and her spouse and in-laws arrived just as the bread came out of the oven.  So they packed the Prius with their hiking/camping gear and we took both cars out on the way to my oldest daughter's in-laws.  Along the way they parked their car at the sea end of the "skyline to the sea" trail and the five of us completed the trip to my oldest daughter's in-laws.

There we had too much food disguised by the amount of time it took us to eat it.  They had made several dishes for me to eat and where there were non-vegan equivalents, like the mash potatoes, gravy, stuffing, ... I was the only one eating from "my" foods' serving bowls.  Before I knew it, I had eaten far too much.  Even the walk before dessert didn't make any appreciably additional room.  For dessert, there was once again several vegan options, a couple of which I had brought.  But the piece de resistance was the vegan pumpkin pie, which my oldest daughter's sister-in-law made.  Others ate pieces of it and some claimed to prefer it.  All I know is that I ate two pieces.  It was good.

(Describing my daughters as oldest and youngest exaggerates their actual age difference, which is three and one half years.  They have a brother in between them.)

After sitting around the food for an inordinate amount of time we spent some additional time looking at digital pictures.  My oldest daughter's sister-in-law's husband takes extremely high quality digital pictures of some very great wild life.  He is to send me his Flickr url.  His 10-megapixel camera is professional grade.  He sold his motorcycle to buy a lens for it.  I truly am surprised that he is not making a living with his photography.

At about 8:30 PM, we left for the camping site so my youngest daughter, husband, and in-laws could hike the "Skyline to the Sea" trail.  At one of the day use pull off spots we discovered a map that showed the camping site was a good mile hike off the road.  By then it was 9:30 PM and well dark without a moon and overcast besides.  None of the hikers were willing to hike in the dark to a strange campsite.  So we rode back to Pacifica.  I will take them to their trail head tomorrow morning and drive back to Pacifica to pack and get on the road myself.

I'll play it by ear and not be upset at all if I decide to start my trip on Saturday instead of tomorrow.  It's far better to not leave anything critical, eat rather than throw away good food, and have fun on this trip, than to worry about any specific start time or for that matter day.  If I do end up starting tomorrow, it may be perfect timing to stop in Reno as the first stop on my Den of Inequities tour.

Day One-hundred-and-forty-nine: Domestic Day on steroids

This morning has been just like I dreamed it would be, a nightmare of work but without the horrible feelings or ending.  Right off I did the dishes.  I started unloading the dishwasher only to realize that I had not in fact run it yet.  So, I quickly put back the things I had already taken out and added what I could.  Then, while really running it, I hand washed the remaining.

While they were drying I mowed the back yard, but only in one direction rather than cross-hatched like I normally do, and put my kitchen garbage and the clippings in the compost, along with the shredded newspaper and compromising documents.  Since I had noticed that the agapantha blossoms were all now seed stalks, I decided to cut them off and stuffed them in the green bin.  (Another reason never to take the compost from the recycling yard and agapantha seeds aren't likely to be the worst seeds in it.)  By this time it had started to drizzle but I decided to go ahead and vacuum out the Prius' deck.  It held off the serious rain until I had done so.  As I forgot to water down the compost, with its covering of paper, it is fortunate that I also did not put the cover on.  Now the rain is watering it down.  Hopefully I will remember to put the cover on before I leave.

Next I went inside and did the syrup for ginger bread and made two dozen vegan chocolate cupcakes.  Of course this required additional dish washing because I needed the mixing bowls and measuring spoons later today.

After a quick lunch of salad, a mix of the Fresh Herb Salad, green onion, garbanzo beans, radishes, and my flax oil apple vinegar vinaigrette, I took off for Whole Foods and REI.  After mailing the last of the Christmas Letters for which I had addresses, I remembered that I didn't have anything to hang the flyer with.  So, I turned around and went back to my house for the push pins.  Whole Foods approved its posting.  I almost wish I had a hammer.  It was not a cork board but one of those wood chip ply boards.  I also bought stuff from Whole Foods.

Then to REI for my Trekker Sleeping Pad and if I had stopped stopping there, I would have been home much sooner.  Instead I went to Macy's looking for a memory foam cushion.  They didn't have one but I did get a memory foam pillow on sale with a 20% discount on top of that and a 15% discount, if I used my Macy's card.  I didn't have my Macy's card and thought the card that Marilyn had was her card.  When I entered her SSN, there was no card.  (Yes, I still remember it.)  When I entered mine, it found one.  I don't know whether they have the right address or not.  I'm sure Marilyn didn't use her Macy's card since we moved.

As I was leaving Macy's my oldest daughter called to ask me to get some MandMs and a can of Fosters for the grilled beer turkey they are making tomorrow.  I went to Costco for them.  I'm glad I called back to find out which kind or I would have only bought Peanut M&Ms.  Since they wanted Plain MandMs, I got both, after I found them.  I had to walk all over Costco and ask a couple of people, unsuccessfully, before I found them.  However, I did find Beano.  A vegan diet that is heavy in legumes should use a lot of Beano.  The alternative isn't pretty.  Of course, MandM's and Beano aren't all that I bought.

Since Costco didn't have Fosters, Australian for beer, I stopped at Safeway.  There again I bought more than what I stopped for.

Finally back at home I mix up the Gingerbread and set the timer for 30 minutes.  While the Gingerbread was cooking, I completed the flyers by attaching the card holders.  I plan on giving my daughters a few, leaving me with nine or ten for posting across the country and in Columbus.  After I finished the flyers I realized that my timer should have gone off.  I hadn't started it.  The Gingerbread was done.  It may be dry but it doesn't appear to be burned.  Then I mixed up the whole wheat olive bread and whole wheat bread that I am baking tomorrow morning.

Some where in all of this, I fixed and ate my dinner.  Surprise, surprise, this leaves me with a kitchen of dirty dishes full circle back to this morning.

Still to go tonight, after this posting, I will vacuum the floors, which will require a decent amount of picking up, and clean off my HP laptop.  Today has been quite fulfilling, possibly the most so in my Life after Layoff.

Day One-hundred-and-forty-eight: Retirement costs!

I was not given the opportunity to enroll in my former company's benefits for next year.  This means that until June I will continue my health coverage through Kaiser Permanente, my dental coverage through Delta, and not have any Health Savings Account.  (I'm not too concerned about the latter as I didn't use all of my reduced amount this year.  About the only thing it goes for is dental deductibles and Kaiser co-pays.)

What was disturbing is what I was told about the cost.  After June, my out-of-pocket cost to continue with Kaiser will be $602.41 a month.  That's over $7,200 a year and I'm not eligible for any retirement subsidy, which makes it the full COBRA cost.  At that rate (pun intended), I should go self-insured, or at least look into catastrophic only insurance, which at my desired level of health would be the equivalent of self-insurance.

Of course, a book I'm reading tells me that a person in my situation is more susceptible to heart disease.  I'm hoping that doing all the other things will mitigate the negative impacts of the situation.

House, vehicles, health insurance, food, ... Life after Layoff is expensive.

Out for a haircut and the first posting of my new flyer, back home for lunch, then to Staples for some kind of holder to attach to the flyer for the take away business cards, and then to Whole Foods.  I was going to buy something but the real reason was to post the flyer.  Unfortunately, Staples didn't have anything so I went home to make some of my own.  It is slow going but I can do them.  I don't know how many I can make for the trip between now and the time I leave, with everything else I have to do.  The second one went better.

My oldest daughter was a tremendous help with her editing of the flyer.  I'm planning on taking two or three for her to post when I see her on Thanksgiving.

Normally I'd welcome rain and it looks like it really will but I was planning on washing the Prius.  I vacuumed out the floors but forgot to do the hatch deck.  I also held off washing the windows because I wanted to wait until after I washed the car.  With my busted trip down to Whole Foods, I don't know whether or not I will get that posted before I leave or not.

I had a full dinner:  asparagus, baked potato w/ chili beans, and salad.  I have a lot of food to go through before I leave.  I also have purchased some travel food.  Of course, I'll have to ration the travel food or I could eat it too fast.  With all that I've purchased, I don't think that even I could eat it all on the first day, even if I didn't eat anything else.  Some of it is even good for me.

I'm doing both a list and a collection point.  The guest bedroom is my collection point and the list is my backup.

When I was looking for the double-sided Scotch tape, I found another card that Marilyn had addressed and stamped the envelope.  For this one she had drafted its contents but had never put them on the card itself.  I stopped looking for the double-sided tape after that. 

Day One-hundred-and-forty-seven: Vehicular manslaughter

My title for this entry is "vehicular manslaughter" because it kills me to clean cars.  This is one good reason to do it as infrequently as I do.  I'm not even sure that I put it on my list but I know I needed to do it.  How creepy is this:  an apostrophe and a space converts manslaughter into man's laughter.  I would not want to be around anyone who could laugh at something like that.

I'm also cleaning the truck.  A friend of my son's, in fact a groomsman in my son's wedding, is going to run it for me while I'm off on my road trip.  Since it hadn't been run since the middle of September, it needs it.  It also really needed cleaning, a real good cleaning.

I found a Mother's Day card that I never gave to Marilyn.  I don't know what year I bought it but I remember buying two, one for Marilyn and one for my Mother.  It was the last time I did Mother's Day cards and had to have been earlier than 2007.  Marilyn always bought her Mother's Mother's Day card, whether or not she remembered to send them.  I didn't know I suffered from her card memory, but I'm sure they were for different reasons.  If she were doing the Gerson Therapy at the time, it would have been the reason I never got it filled out.

I also found a parking receipt for March, 2007.  We went over to Berkeley to eat at an organic burrito bar.  I was of mixed emotions for doing so but since she couldn't do Gerson Therapy any more, we both thought we needed to live in the time we had left to do so.  There were so few times in the last two and a third years of her life that we could be the couple rather than the care giver and the patient.  I do so wish that I had been laid off earlier.

I did stay up until 1:30 AM last night signing, stuffing, sealing, and stamping 37 of my Christmas Letters.  I was hoping to finish them up this morning for a combined mailing before 1:00 PM at my local mail box but other things intervened, like vehicular manslaughter.

I also ended up cleaning up a trash mess.  While our trash people are really sloppy and don't do anything extra at all, I think this was really my neighbor's fault.  He must have put something in his trash that was attractive to animals.  All I saw this morning was some items that needed sweeping up and one large item that either was deemed hazardous and not taken or had been dumped and not separately picked up.  What's worse, all of this trash residue was on my drive.  Trashy, a way of Life after Layoff.

The place looks a lot better with the truck out of the drive.  If I could get the garage cleared and put the Prius in it, it would probably even look better.  In the few days I have remaining, before I leave, I may park the Prius on the gravel just to make it look like I'm parking it in the garage.

I'm done with this round of Christmas letters.  I'll drop the last of them in the mail tomorrow or Wednesday.  I know I don't have a lot of addresses and hope that those who don't receive one and should have are understanding.  I didn't send it to one person whose address I did have.  These were people we met in 2004 while hiking on Mt. Baker.  The husband was a college professor and the wife was receiving treatment for a very serious cancer.  The wife took our pictures and sent them to us.  Marilyn emailed back and forth with the wife for a short while, letting her know of her own cancer but I can't help but think the worst has happened for both of us.  As I really didn't know the husband well, or either actually, I don't know what to say.  I've chickened out but they were part of a very special day and with the pictures have given me some great reminders.

Day One-hundred-and-forty-six: Better than To Do lists

As I sit here printing the last half, literally, of my Christmas letter, I thought I would start this day's entry.  I've decided that if I truly want to get on the road in the morning of the day after Thanksgiving, I need to go one step beyond a "to do" list.  I need a schedule.  Of course, what I need and what I'll actually do are vastly different things.  But because I haven't been working diligently every day, I am going to have to be ruthless in what I leave undone, do more stuff on the road trip, and still be more disciplined in my remaining four and one half days before I head out.

I also need a packing list, or at least someplace that I can stack all of the things I want to take.  I'm thinking of new things all the time and have not yet made a note of them or put them anyplace special.  I'll start doing that today and hope that it is soon enough.

I drove the truck to a "touchless" car wash but with all the vehicles already there, I decided to go back home to wash it.  On the way I stopped at a hardware store to buy a hose attachment to wash it.  I should have saved my money.  Not only did it not take off any of the wedding paint, it sprayed me about as much as the truck.  By using an old Dobie, I was able to scrub the paint off of the glass, smooth plastic, and painted body.  I wasn't able to take it off soft rubber or pebbly plastic.  While I was at the hardware store, I was ask about my recent marriage.

I finally found the secret to eating less, stay active.  I was less hungry and ate less of the food that is bad for me with all my outdoor activity.  This might be why most people put on weight during the winter months; it is more difficult to stay active.  (I really don't have that excuse in California.)  I'm still learning in my Life after Layoff.  

Since tomorrow is also the every other week green waste pickup, I not only swept up the driveway gutter before I washed the truck, I swept the back and side walks.  I filled the thing.

It was so nice out, rather than continue working, I went out and sat in the sky chair.

Then later, after dark I started on signing my Christmas Letters.  All in all, a relatively productive day.

Day One-hundred-and-forty-five: Running out of time

Since I am "running out of time," I did what I normally do in those situations, I procrastinate. This means that I watched a lot of football rather than get any of my real work done. I was so lazy today that I had to turn on the furnace to compensate for my lack of activity.

Not that I only watched TV but the amount I watched didn't allow me to make a lot of progress. I did get a too wordy draft of a flyer I hope to post on my Den of Inequities tour. As substantially the only thing I got partly done today, I should post it. I did already send it by email to a few of my regular readers. Actually, by using my "family" distribution list, it may have made it to more readers than posting it here would show it to. Ah, obscurity in my Life after Layoff.

By posting it here, I'm doing something I have avoided thus far, directly posting my name. It wouldn't have been all that difficult for anyone to figure it out as several of my posted links show my name, but this is yet another line erosion. But even posting my name doesn't mean that I will be posting other peoples' names, even as my relationship descriptions get a little awkward at times. (I haven't had anyone who might be reading this tell me to go ahead and use their name.)

And now for the flyer draft:

As if cancer patients didn’t have enough to deal with, many cancers and cancer treatments cause chronic lymphedema. Many people, including some in the medical profession will tell you that there is no effective treatment. But, THERE IS!

The swelling of lymphedema can also be life threatening due to increased susceptibility to infections. However, it most often causes severe mobility issues as swelling around joints restrict their motion or the mass of the fluid that builds up cannot be easily moved with overstrained muscles. Then there is the reduced circulation that can cause other problems and pain, which is a problem on its own.

The most effective treatment, in conjunction manual lymph drainage massage therapy, is garments specifically designed for treating lymphedema and custom fitted for the sufferer. Unfortunately as many states do not recognize these garments as medical devices, many insurance companies do not cover them.

As a memorial to Marilyn Westbrook, who passed away from cancer December 23, 2007, the Marilyn Westbrook Garment Fund has been established. She also suffered from lymphedema as a byproduct of her cancer. It was so bad in her left leg that she had become bedridden. The day after she got her garment from Don Kellogg of Telesto Medtech, (Visit http://www.telesto-medtech.com/ for more specific information about their garments.); she was back up and moving around the house. What’s even better, she was able to participate in her daughter’s wedding. Read more about this story at http://www.lymphnet.org/patients/westbrookFund.htm.

The National Lymphedema Network, a 501(c)(3) organization http://www.lymphnet.org/, was established to educate the medical profession and patients that there were treatment options on dealing with lymphedema. It has expanded its charter to help provide garments to people suffering from lymphedema who could not otherwise afford them.

If the Marilyn Westbrook Garment Fund had to subsist on my money alone, the “memory” would be far too short and the help far too little. Please join me in relieving the suffering of others by donating to the fund. Help give the gift of “living” to those who need to make every moment count. Even those who are cured of their cancer cannot truly live, if they have been left with the debilitating effects of lymphedema.

Thank you,


Doyle Westbrook
Loving husband of Marilyn Westbrook
P.S. Read about Marilyn’s life as it is being written for the grandchildren she will never know at http://memories-of-marilyn.blogspot.com/.

Day One-hundred-and-forty-four: The Dependable Mail

Two days ago, Wednesday, I thought it was interesting but not significant when I recycled all my mail before I made it back into the house. Then yesterday, Thursday, I didn't get any at all. Now, I must admit that I don't really wish for much of the mail I do get, but ever since I listened to The Secret, I have been expecting checks. Now the time that each day's mail is delivered can vary so I didn't think it was significant that it wasn't there when I check throughout the afternoon. When I checked at 10:40 PM, I finally had to concede that I wasn't getting any. (I don't want to ruin a good story but I actually go into the garage for other purposes and check while I'm out there. Finding all those separate reasons to go into the garage could be quite taxing if I didn't recycle so much.) I didn't check until 6:30 PM today. There was mail but no checks.

I mixed up a batch of Almost No Knead Bread last night. Before I could bake it, I had to clean the kitchen. I probably would have done the cleaning anyway but it did require getting on it early so I could have the bread for lunch, a late lunch. While I thought about eating it all, I restrained myself. Besides, after the Spicy Mole Oatmeal Chili and the Mango Black Bean Salad, I was so full I could only eat one slice. It made a great dessert with honey on it. Even though I have some more Earth Balance spread, I forbore to applying it.

I learned today that my brother-in-law was laid off today. There's a lot of this going around. Unlike me with my empty nest, he still has all of his children at home, with one heading off to college next year and the other soon to follow. With the crashing stock market and the burgeoning unemployment, my Life after Layoff is not as stress free as I would have liked, but I remember back to early 1994 when I had much the same situation. I was really stressed then.

I don't know whether or not it was this by way of this blog or not, but I have received emails from others who are out of work with families. I can't get my mind off of the old joke: "Recession is when you are out of a job. Depression is when I'm out of a job." The I's have it. Too many people are in a depression. My savings is down over 40% from its high, including the thousands I put into it over the years from its high to now. I should be able to continue my freedom through next year but without some recovery, I will need more income than I had hoped after that.

I don't know how long my trip back for my visiting, particularly now that I have some work to do on that end of it, but I had thought to make stops at casinos along the way and call it my "Den of Inequities" tour. I'm willing to share my winnings, particularly since I had some visitors who left grubstakes. It can't add that much time and may help me win as I will quit while I'm ahead more easily to get on the road and avoid long losing streaks to get back on the road.

I started printing my Christmas letter but stopped less than but almost half way through. I knew I couldn't just load the printer and have it print so after printing the first one, I tried printing five. The first page/side printed fine so I restocked them to print the second page/back side. Those didn't feed correctly, ruining three of my Christmasy bordered sheets. So I printed a bunch more of side one and printed the back side individually. Then I doubled the number I was printing for side one, except I put them in the wrong way and printed three with the first page on the back. After I corrected my error, while printing the rest of the first page batch, there was a misfeed. In short, including my draft sample, I've messed up eight of my 100 sheets and it is taking far longer than I thought it would. Only two aren't useable, as in illegible, so if I absolutely need to, my family will be getting less than perfect Christmas letters. Since I wrote it, it is pretty well guaranteed that all others will as well, but some of them will look better.

I just wish I could find her other address book.

Day One-hundred-and-forty-three: Speaking again

Late last night in the fog, I spent an extra amount of time in the sky chair. As it was in the forties, I needed to dress warmly but it was really quite pleasant. Even the noticeable and frequent jet engine sounds were not a problem. I did miss the animal antics and sounds but any time and every time out there seems relaxing.

Just before my late night outdoor experience, I had talked with the founder of Telesto Medtech, the person who supplied Marilyn's quite effective lymphedema garment. He was telling me that he was supplying a set of garments for a person's feet who heard about this possibility from the Marilyn Westbrook Garment Fund and may be getting support from the fund. I know that his garments work. It is so great that Marilyn is having such a beneficial impact well beyond her life. I couldn't ask for a better memorial. If this is the only accomplishment in my life, particularly my Life after Layoff, it is all worth it.

Today I called and canceled my land line. I've already unplugged the three charging stations and disconnected the base station from the jack. Now I will need to remember where all I have signed up for things using that number, like Staples, or simply remember the number. I will need to tell Toastmasters at tonight's meeting. Other than Toastmasters and my children, most of the calls were nuisance calls, including yet another survey yesterday. (I thought they were all done with the election being over.)

Tonight's my speech night at Toastmasters. Rather than stay up later tonight posting it, I decided I would once again post it early, already getting double duty out of it. At my normal reading speed it is just a shade too short. So I will have to make sure I speak slowly and distinctly. Here it is:

I had planned on taking my recently received Toastmaster packet with me on my six-week road trip and mapping out all of my remaining nine speeches. Then this opportunity occurred. I was at a loss. What would I speak on?

Fortunately, last Friday, as I was doing the crossword puzzle, no longer simply because I like doing them but because they are supposed to help fight Alzheimer’s, it hit me. Right there was my topic: 29 Down: “Firm belief,” and the answer was “FAITH.”

My brain went from zero to 60 in nothing flat. From nothing to speak on, I now had too much, even without research. I don’t know which is worse. I’ve decided to speak to the framework that I’ve created for future research, and perhaps other speech topics. [You might say this speech has been edited for time and sensibility, well maybe not sensibility.]

Let me be very clear. This speech is not about religion although most religions are all about belief. My framework is simply a way for me to think about belief. To this end, I now “believe” that belief is manifested in four different ways, which may be levels of increasing belief. After introducing my names for them, I will further define each one. My names are:

• Belief in Faith Facts,
• Trust, or belief in others,
• Internal manifestation of belief, and
• External manifestation of belief.

Belief in “Faith Facts” has to be the most common. I see it as simply the unquestioning acceptance of assumptions, premises, or tenets as if they were fact. Even the acceptance of scientific results without an understanding of the science involved is a matter of belief and thus a “Faith Fact” for the believer.

In such an interdependent world “Trust” should also be common. But I attribute most of this interdependency to a form of “Faith Facts,” if a belief at all and not despondency. We “believe” labels until we know them to be untrue. How many people buy pet food they now know originated in China? Unfortunately, our trust in others is undermined from childhood as we are taught to be fearful of strangers. I myself have teased my youngest daughter about being gullible. Now I realize that doing so just undermines her trust in me. It is something special for someone to have that level of trust. More, it is a fundamental wrong in our society when our first reactions have to be suspicious to protect ourselves from being taken advantage of.
[In a related aside: It was coincidence, but just after I selected this topic I happened to be walking by a bakery. The bread smelled so good, I had to go in. I read the ingredients listed on a loaf of whole wheat bread and was glad to see that it was egg and dairy free. But then I asked. It turned out that it did contain dairy. I don’t know whether my trust was improved by the clerk’s honesty or my belief in labels was undermined.]

When I think of “internally manifested” belief, I think of mind over body. According to recent news reports, some doctors are giving out placebos as much 70% of the time. In fact, the belief that a sugar pill can cure is so powerful that it has a name, the placebo effect. I believe that it goes both ways. Could not the poor results for some drugs that have proven effective in rats and other lab studies be due to the belief that the drug won’t work?

What is left is the category I’ve labeled as “external manifestation” but may be more correctly named “beyond belief.” If internal is mind over body, then external is mind over environment, where the results are a noticeable change for which the only explanation is belief. I'm not sure into which category visible healing should fall. There is a quite common saying that cynics have for this category, “I’ll believe it when I see it.” With all the movie special effects, even that may no longer make it believable.

I’ve briefly defined each of the stages or categories in my characterization of belief: Faith Facts, Trust, Internal and External.

In closing, I want to leave you with this thought:

Can belief be developed, grown from little or nothing? (In asking this question, I’m excluding a religious conversion experience.) As a natural cynic who should have been born in Missouri, I certainly hope so. I’m working on trust now.

Day One-hundred-and-forty-two: Down to a precious few

I'm not going to start trying to rhyme my entry titles, although I was pleased to realize that this one did rhyme. (Although it doesn't scan.)

Today also seemed more productive, more like Monday. While I did add a few things that I should do before I leave, I can't do most of them until next week. And "should" is a long way from "must." Of the things that truly must be done, I have only two or three on my current list that can even be done this week. One of them is print my Christmas Letter. I'm going to have to print them in small batches to make sure I don't run out of ink part way through a longer batch and ruin too many. In fact, since I need to sign them, I will be definitely be printing them no later than Friday. Right now I have 91 addresses. I may hand write one as my mailing labels come 30 to a sheet.

I tried an afternoon soy latte again but I don't think it will keep me awake tonight. I have an early day tomorrow and have to be out of here by 9:00 AM. (My early days in my Life after Layoff are nothing like my early days when I was "working for a living.") It's nice to not have to get up by an alarm clock even on my "early days."

I had a decent talk with the person who made Marilyn's last days "living" ones, allowed her to attend her daughter's wedding. He was telling me about a lymphedema sufferer that he was able to help because the patient's therapist learned of him through the Marilyn Westbrook Garment Fund. It is great that there are tangible results and that Marilyn can have this impact, touching even more lives. The founder of the National Lymphedema Network and host of the fund tells me that testimonials, from some of the people who have been helped, are going to be posted on the NLN site soon.

I think when I get back, I will need to do a picture retrospective of all the times that I took a picture of Marilyn's hand. It wasn't nearly as many times as I could have because even I gave up after a while. What I regret most is all of the pictures that I now don't have of her hand and the other pictures I then didn't take.

Day One-hundred-and-forty-one: No real progress

I'd say that I don't know where the day went, but I do. I went out to mail a couple things, including the reviews I completed over the weekend and didn't want to go back to my house. So I did what any other good person with time on their hands might do, I went shopping. I hoped to get two things but Bed Bath and Beyond only had one of them. One of several people at the store who ask if they could help me, suggested that I could order what I was looking for online. I declined because that was something I could do at home and I didn't want to be at home. After Bed Bath and Beyond, I almost headed home but noticed a Barnes and Noble bookstore.

Bookstores are more my kind of shopping anyway. After browsing through a number of sections, I did finally find something to buy. Shopping without buying is not fun, but it would have killed about the same amount of time. I'd say that procrastinating is my way of Life after Layoff, but I'm sure I've already used that tag line. If I were more organized in my Life after Layoff, I would have a separate searchable record that I could use to make sure that each entry has a different use of my Life after Layoff tag. (Now I'm sure that there is one somewhat unique use in this paragraph. It is getting harder.)

I'm still waiting on a few confirmations of addresses so I can send out my first and potentially last Christmas Newsletter. I need to get started because I do have to sign them at least. I'm hoping I don't have more than 99 to send unless I have plenty of time to buy more of the same paper and envelopes. Right now I'm exactly on ninety. Since I was using my wife's address book, there may be some aliases and old addresses. I also checked out MyFamily.com. Not only did I not recognize all the names of my cousins, some of the names I recognized had addresses that I knew to be wrong. That site still has my oldest sister still living with my parents, which for readers that don't know the whole story isn't quite like it reads. For a time after her house burned down she stayed with her parents. Obviously this time covered when this address was entered. Besides, it was their old P.O. Box address, not their new number and road address.

I just had a horrible thought. She didn't have all her addresses in the address book I used. I don't even know where the other book is, nor where the lists she used may be. As I won't be home, I won't even get to see who I've inadvertently left off by seeing who sends me cards. Maybe I will have to write another Christmas Letter, a belated one for mailing the end of January. Maybe there should be a tie in to 1099's and W2's because that is when people really need a pick up that the spirit of Christmas can bring. That is the time they realize how little they made in the previous year or realize just how much the government is taking of it.

I've had about five meals today. More, smaller meals are supposed to be better for you but I'm a gradualist. I'm working on half of it at a time. The first half, "more," is the baby step. I'll work on smaller a meal at a time. At least it was all good food.

I think I'm done here, at least for today. I only have a few more things I can do this week. Unfortunately they are lengthy time consuming things. Next Wednesday and Thursday will be especially busy as I will need to cook and clean before I can leave.

Day One-hundred-and-forty: Productive Mondays

Wow! I'd be impressed with myself if I hadn't so many other things still undone and less than ten days to do them in. Of course my actual leave date is an arbitrary one but I don't want to waste any of it doing what has become work. Writing this blog is actually a break. While I hate to be practicing on the few readers that may be regularly viewing this blog, and I do get a few emails that reference reading it, it is good practice and hopefully will pay off in other writing, including future entries here.

Once I charge my camera batteries, I may even start including pictures.

Reviews are done. Christmas Letter is in a final draft and with a sample printed on the Christmasy paper. The mailing labels for the addresses I have are typed with the label sheets purchased and ready to be printed. The Christmasy envelopes are ready to be stuffed. My paper is suspended for the time I plan on being gone. My second speech to Toastmasters is written and printed.

Slowly I am checking off more things on my to do list than I am adding and getting the things done that are the least fun and absolutely must be done before I leave.

Today started out great. When I went out to bring in the trash can and recycling bins, there was an unexpected newspaper. Since I don't think my neighbor has started receiving a paper, he certainly didn't get any over the weekend, I assumed it was a bonus for me. So, after I finished up my brownies for breakfast, I took the puzzles and went to the Chat Cafe for a soy latte. Since having a latte in the afternoon proved to be so wakeful through the night, I just had to see if an earlier one has the same effect. I'm not tired yet but it's only 8:30 PM. It may be my excitement at all I've accomplished today. (Ha, ha.) Still, it was a nice morning.

As I was leaving the Chat Cafe, I ran into my CPA. I hope he was right about my tax liability earlier in the year. I will need a good refund to do all I want to do next year.

I have an errand to run and meditation. Hopefully after all of that, I will be able to sleep, but it isn't like I have to get up at a certain time tomorrow. After all, I can still sleep in most days in this Life after Layoff.

Day One-hundred-and-thirty-nine: Warmer than summer

Today, November 17, 2008, it was every bit as warm as the warmest day I recall during summer, 78 degrees. The sun has set and it is still 73 degrees outside. It was so nice out that even though I didn't skip out on my work and go on a motorcycle ride like I should have, I still spent over an hour just sitting in the sky chair. I truly enjoyed all the animal noises and didn't mind the human noises, even the human created technology noises. While I couldn't hear the words, the voices I heard sounded joyous, probably reflecting the lopsided victory that the 49ers had over the Rams. I could even ascribe joy to the passengers of the jet sounds overhead, although they did sound a little bit more distant. Even my woodpecker friend was back.

When I opened my eyes, I just sat and watched the variety of birds. It was amazing to see hummingbirds land on the barest of twigs without causing them to bounce. When I return, I will have to get a hummingbird feeder as the nectar they acquire from flowers can't be very much in a yard now very depleted of flowers.

I stank up my front yard again and will do so one more time before I take off cross country. I hope the double application of stink will let it last six weeks.

I learned my lesson about late afternoon caffeinated coffee. I was up until 2:00 AM this morning although I gave up doing anything constructive about half way through my review writing. I never enjoyed review writing and am now even less motivated to write them. However, even though short, I am making them quality reviews. I can do no less in my Life after Layoff. If it turns out that I need to take a job, I will try for a consulting type job that hopefully will not involve anything that I don't like to do in some way.

Part of my grocery purchases was a tub of Earth Balance margarine. This allowed me to make the brownies that my daughter and son-in-law bought last weekend. They were good. (I guess I should say "are good," because I haven't been able to eat them all yet.) I will have to finish them this week as I baked them in my gingerbread pan, one of the dishes I intend to take to the Thanksgiving dinner I've been invited to.

I still have a decent amount of work yet to do tonight. I have just one more review to finish. I still have the trash to take out. I wouldn't mind getting something other than the reviews crossed off my to do list, but I'm not going to stay up until 2:00 AM just to do so.

Day One-hundred-and-thirty-eight: Football Saturday

It wasn't going to be a football Saturday but this morning I got a call from my son who said that he was at the Notre Dame - Navy game at the Baltimore Raven's stadium and I should watch it. He was there with his friend from scouts and grade school, a groomsman at his wedding, and an alumnus of Notre Dame. He was supposed to be right on the 20 yard line and should have been very visible with his wife still on her crutches. Needless to say this was the excuse I needed to avoid my work and spend another day in front of the TV.

I never did see them. It seemed that whenever the camera panned the crowd it always showed midshipman and in the game shots the seats were always too far away to show any details of the stands, even on my big screen TV. Navy made a game out of it in the last quarter but lost.

After the football game I went into the kitchen to make the Spicy Mole Oatmeal Chili and discovered that I didn't have any carrots, clean measuring spoons, or clean spatulas. So I did the dishes. Then I took my Calling for Obama raffle winning Starbucks card and my incomplete speech notes to Starbucks. Now I know I shouldn't be drinking coffee in the afternoon, particularly caffeinated coffee, but I was planning on finding how much was on that card this morning. (It was a $5 card.) I did get my speech "mind mapped" out.

I started the speech last night technically after I went to bed. I had a "midnight" brainstorm that reminded me of my college days so I decided to make sure I got those thoughts down on paper. At least this "storm" didn't stop me from sleeping once I wrote it out.

I started working on my list this morning, before I was tempted away from working and into TV watching. I have started one review of six I have committed to do. Maybe the caffeine will allow me to stay up late tonight and actually get something marked off of my list yet today.

At least now I have carrots as well as apples, pears, and four cans of soup. Thursday I had had enough legumes in my diet so I opened a can of Amy's No Chicken Noodle Soup. It was quite good but I wished I had crackers to go with it. So yesterday I went out and got two boxes of crackers even though they are a worse than worthless food. Not only do they not have any nutrition, they are salted. While I bought non-fat crackers, I drew the line at their not having any taste. I can't help but think that this is a sad commentary on my vegan Life after Layoff where my splurges are tasteless soda crackers.

Yet to do tonight, other than items on my list, are: make the chili and sit in the sky chair a while. The weather is so nice this weekend that I just have to take advantage of it. Hopefully the memory will carry me through the worst of winter in Ohio and West Virginia. And now that I have all the ingredients, I just have to carry through with my earlier plans to make the chili. Somehow my life is more about completeness now.

Day One-hundred-and-thirty-seven: Checking them off

I'm checking off items on my to do list that must get done one by one and adding them two by two. Fortunately I'm adding them less frequently. I still have a lot to do in now less than two weeks. Today was the most productive day I've had in a long time. I think it was aided by getting out early today, even though that was to the dentist to have two silver amalgams replaced with the new composite fillings. The topical and two numbing shots meant that I didn't feel a thing during the work but now my gum is really sore.

After the dentist, I went and got my free flu shot. Since I'm heading back into truly cold weather for the first time in a long time, I thought I would get a vaccination this year. I haven't gotten sick in previous years without it but then I haven't been in hot houses and cold outdoors in rapid succession for about that long. I was ready to pay my co-pay but it was free.

Then I went down to Les Schwab to buy chains for the Prius. If I don't use them, I can return them for a full refund after April of next year. It was worth driving that far for them with that guarantee. Since this was around noon, I had a brainstorm, unfortunately after I had driven by Sirayvah. Over the last couple of months, I have tried to eat lunch at Sirayvah on a Sunday and this last weekend on Saturday, only to discover that they aren't open for lunch on either day, just dinner. (You'd think that I wouldn't be reading their schedule so precisely to need to discover each day's schedule individually.) But today I remembered that they are open for lunch Monday through Friday. So I went around a long block to get back to it and had a full, and filling, organic Thai meal. It started with a pumpkin soup, followed by a delicious appetizer, and then a spicy eggplant entree. I was going to skip dessert but the waitperson mentioned sticky rice with mango. I ate it all. It's a great place to eat and probably a good thing that I can't seem to eat there more often.

I've also arranged to have my plants watered, all of them, if it doesn't rain, and just the ones under the eaves, if it does. I got the back yard mowed with the clippings put in my compost pile. I finished this cycle of watering, although I decided to wait until tomorrow to apply the deer thwarting stink. I also made a temporary fix to my shed. (I've propped a weighted board up on the plastic corner post to keep it from bowing away from the panels it is supposed to hold securely.) This temporary fix should hold until I can figure out how to permanently stiffen it.

Unfortunately, I've added a couple rather large items. Last night I accepted the responsibility for making my second speech before I go on the road trip. (I keep wanting to say my vacation, but I'm on vacation right now. I'm just going to change the location of my vacation.) I also added something that I should have done in September but technically don't have to do at all, and that is write reviews for the people who reported to me the first six months of the year. Well, as a friend and fellow manager at Amdahl said: "Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well." Doing something poorly just isn't in my make up, more so in my Life after Layoff as everything I do is for me and my standards alone.

My daughters are off on a girl's weekend out in Portland, Oregon. They are staying just a block away from the Powell Street Bookstore. When I talked with my oldest daughter earlier this week, she said that she had already cleared a place to put her new book purchases.

Day One-hundred-and-thirty-six: Setting things right

I'm $8.82 poorer but that much morally richer. Part of it was three vegan cookies I shouldn't have purchased in the first place, let alone eat, but after accidentally ringing up $372 for a couple of heirloom tomatoes the clerk at Pacifica Farmers Market had to re-ring up the entire grocery purchase to correct what would have been a rather steep overcharge. In the second pass she didn't ring the three vegan cookies. Today, while I was shopping for some other groceries I knew could only be found at that store I bought three cookies and with her knowledge returned them to their shelf. I didn't compound my problem by buying yet more of those delicious but fat laden treats that I shouldn't eat. The other part was a purchase of an organic yam from Safeway. In this case, I couldn't find it when I got home so I returned to Safeway for a replacement. When I got home, I found the first one while putting the second one away. More than accidentally cheating Safeway out of the money, I wonder what this means for my mental condition. I hope I am too young for senility.

It felt good to correct both of those inadvertent thefts.

On another matter, I called Comcast once again. This time they explained that they had installed the trap but hadn't noted on the work order that they were to pick up the cable box. So, I delivered it to them. While their Pacifica "store" was difficult to find, even with the Prius Navigation System, it truly wasn't out of my way as I was on my way to the Apple Store where I bought my MacBook. I now have an extended AppleCare Protection Plan and a padded sheath for my MacBook. The sheath is just thinking ahead for my future motorcycle rides. It appears that I also still have basic cable, which means that regardless of what they claim they haven't truly installed the trap. I've called them at least three times so I'll just let it rest.

One of my errands was to visit the North Coast County Water District offices and find out what I needed to do to be gone the six or so weeks on my road trip, pay $60 on the account the first of December. (The road trip was also the reason for the timing in buying the AppleCare. It may be too late to do so when I return.)

Winter overcast and fog are definitely here. I need to get out and water plants and mow, hopefully for the last time before I leave. I bought some groceries for making some Thanksgiving treats, although I forgot to buy more olives. I don't think I will be making more olive bread than the olives I have remaining so not having more olives will reduce the temptation. However good olive bread is, it isn't all that good for me. I don't think I could exercise as much as it would take for me to burn off what I would eat of it. In many ways, my Life after Layoff is too much of a good thing, or too much of too many good things.

Tonight is my Toastmasters meeting, where I am the Table Topics Master. This means that I have made up some questions on the Toastmaster's theme of Cruising. Not that I am overly proud of my questions, but I thought I would include them here:

After the introduction of the car many young people have cruised up and down the main drags of their towns. What would be your dream vehicle for cruising?

This question includes a reference to the MTV television show and online game but the answer doesn’t. If you had a choice of any main drag in the world to be tooling around in your pimped up ride, where would you like to be cruising?

You were told you were cruising for a bruising. Where were you and what were you doing?

The saying is, "any port in a storm," but in nicer weather, into which port would you like to go cruising and why?

On many cruise ships, they have up to five meals a day with snacks in between and after. Other than food, what would be your favorite activity while cruising on the high seas?

If cruise control did it all rather than just allow a constant speed, what would you be doing in your car instead of driving while cruising?

And now some other musings:

Last night, well when I woke up this morning, I had another insight to write in my bedside note book, and that is that faith, or belief, cannot be truly tested, at least by the principal. For the principal to test his or her faith is to doubt, which is tantamount to not having sufficient belief.

Over the weekend I had an interesting discussion with my youngest daughter and her husband on the nature of magic, which as scientists they dismiss out of hand. In point of fact, I have my own level of disbelieving but would never admit it to them as it would change the nature of our discussion. However, my son-in-law made a statement that math is the only precise science. While I don't think we articulated it well, working magic could be defined as influencing possible but improbable outcomes. Now, the real question is does this "influence" really exist and if so, is it something that can be regularly done. I'm looking forward to testing this at the craps or roulette table.

And no, if my youngest daughter is ever reading this, I haven't gone around the bend to your definition of insane. Although, if you truly love me, you'll overlook inoffensive eccentricity.

Day One-hundred-and-thirty-five: To do list

Whenever I've found myself under time pressure or feeling overwhelmed with all that I have to do, I address it in two alternative ways: I make a "to do" list both to make sure I am not forgetting things and to give me the satisfaction of marking things off of it; and I go to bed, well, attempt to sleep. Nothing is more tiring to me than having a must do task. Several times in the past I've either stayed up all night doing an overwhelming task or gotten up extremely early after being unable to work the night before and unable to sleep when I needed to be working. Nothing concentrates the mind like a deadline, even an artificially imposed deadline. So, I did both today. I made my list and then went back to bed. I made my bed the second time up so I wouldn't feel tempted to going back into it. My list doesn't have anything on it about resume writing or job hunting. (I think they are related and reflect my reluctance to find another job. If one of the things I like to do don't start paying off, I will need to get a job of some sort by 2010.)

Now, while my must do tasks can vary, I do have a serious, if self-imposed deadline. Adding tasks to my list that must be completed before that deadline is a further time management problem, which brings me back to Comcast and their lack of cutting off my TV. Maybe that is their plan, keep stringing the addict along. I did find out that my son also canceled his cable. Further he now has a specific day for his return to California.

Yesterday, during my ride, I kept thinking about how it was Veteran's day and how my previous company, before it was acquired, gave its workers this day as a holiday. This was really useful when my children were young, and I enjoyed it and Columbus Day off, just not enough to take them off as vacation days when they were no longer holidays for me. Even the memories were pleasant since, once again, I had the day off. The memories didn't stop me from checking for mail when I got back home even though I know that there is no mail delivery on Veterans Day.

My prize for the raffle for making more than 100 calls for Obama came today: two bumper stickers, a button, and a Starbuck's gift card. There were millions of these things out there and these were left over, so I doubt that they have any real value, but I will save them, along with the November 5th newspaper front section, as best I can, except for the Starbuck's card. Maybe my great grandchildren will see some value in them, that is if my children start having children.

Endless "to do" lists appear to be a fact of Life after Layoff. I only wish the discipline to get them done were also a fact.

Day One-hundred-and-thirty-four: A sudden urge to ride

The day started out as a quite domestic day.  When I got up I thought that I should wash my sheets.  After my stretches and crunches, but no push ups or Nordic Track, I cooked some wild rice while I was cooking my high fiber oatmeal (with All Bran).  When I was brushing my teeth after breakfast I noticed that the new valve was leaking.  I was glad that I hadn't put away the tools as that allowed me to put a little extra torque on the compression nut.  I went ahead and put a cap on the out flow just in case the valve itself was leaking.  This allowed me to put away the tools.  On one of my trips to the garage, I took the clothes, and sheets, and set one load to washing.  Then I ran a dishwasher load while I drained, chopped, and mixed the Mango Black Bean Salad (MBBS).  By that time all that was finished, it was time for lunch so I ate some of the MBBS.  It was made with fresh mangoes and I suppose they were better than frozen mangoes, but they would have been better still if they had been a little riper.

After setting my first clothes washing load to dry and starting my second, I noticed my motorcycle.  This put the question in my mind as to where I could ride.  Now, I have a tremendous amount of things to do staying around my house but when I went out in the backyard and saw that I didn't yet need to water I decided to forego doing anything else around the house.  Not to be completely unproductive, I decided to take the scenic route to Whole Foods to buy the supplements I do actually need to buy.  Whether or not I truly need the supplements is another question.  The nice thing about buying such things, they aren't bulky and definitely fit in my motorcycle's sissy bar bag.

After the third start, I finally made it a ride.  First I just went back my drive to get a reusable bag.  Then after starting out again and getting into second on the road in front of my house, I realized that I hadn't checked the temperature and needed to.  As it was, I just had to go back for my chaps.  The ride consisted of going down Highway 1 to Pescadero Road, Alpine Road, Page Mill Road, around Palo Alto stopping at the Whole Foods in Palo Alto, reconnecting with I-280 from Sand Hill Road, and home.

But what the ride represented and reminded me of was a trip down Memory Lane.  (Something my whole Life after Layoff has been.)  I passed the La Honda Band Camp site, which was also the site of a team building Ropes course for a team that was okay, except for its manager.  I passed Heritage Grove and Los Trancos, two stops that Marilyn regularly had us go to and often took guests.  I didn't pass the turn around spot for Marilyn and my last motorcycle ride together.  Instead, I made a bigger circle around it but I certainly thought about it, a lot.  (It is hard to ride when eyes keep tearing up.)

Some of the ride, Alpine Road, was literally on the equivalent of a paved lane.  I had forgotten what it was like to ride a leaf covered multiple 180 degree turn road that was barely wide enough for one car, in spite of the yellow dashed line on most of it.  There were spots the road painters gave up trying to sustain even that fiction.  Fortunately what little traffic there was happened on the two widest sections of that road, three cars together with the first two Police Cars and one car by itself on a blind greater than 90 degree turn.  Thank goodness it was a small car and cautious driver as I was shaving the middle but still on my side of the road to minimize my turn degree.

I didn't pass a convenient gas station while I was in Palo Alto and noticed that the richer cities seem to have fewer gas stations anyway.  Maybe they are just artfully hidden away.  I barely noticed a whole shopping center with all the trees and demur signs.  So, to make sure I would make it home, I stopped in even a richer city but with a gas station I knew exactly where it was, Woodside.  Woodside is supposed to have more horses than people.  Houses are supposed to be on a minimum of an acre of land.  Larry Ellison, chairman of Oracle, is reputed to have a most expensive estate in Woodside.  I don't know whether or not he has horses.

However, I have a tenuous connection to Larry Ellison thanks to Marilyn.  She had our bed frame and end tables reconfigured.  The wood worker/cabinet maker that did the work used left over teak from some work she had done on Larry Ellison's yacht.

Back at home I quickly emptied the clothes dryer, plopped in the washed clothes, and started washing the towels that I used to sop up my indoor fountain water.  All in all, I did four loads today.  What with cooking and clothes washing, it was still quite a domestic day, with the joys of at least a three hour motorcycle ride to boot.

Day One-hundred-and-thirty-three: Night storm

And by "night storm," I'm not referring to the weather.  I was laying in bed thinking after about five hours of sleep and had a couple ideas that I couldn't get out of my mind.  Since several people have advocated keeping a note pad by the bed for those ideas, and I hadn't, I thought that I should get up, find a note pad, and write them down.  In this manner I thought to purge my mind and be able to go back to sleep.

Well, either the purging didn't work or the process of finding everything and writing them down took so long that I was even more fully awake, I decided to throw on something warmer and do something productive, i.e., make this partial entry into this blog and catch up on my budget tracking.  The latter is boring enough that it may just put me back to sleep, which is one reason that I haven't done it for so long.  Unfortunately, there are others, including my lack of spending within my budget.  (I haven't really wanted to know how bad it was.)

But, if I want to make this early retirement work, I either need to find a reliable source of money that doesn't force me to un-retire, or spend far less.  Of the two, I know which one I'd prefer.

As for the ideas that kept me up:  starting another blog, documenting my memories (of me) for my grandchildren yet to be born as a complement to my Memories of Marilyn; and writing a Christmas Newsletter for the first time in my life.  The former I would title, "A walk on the wet side of the beach."  The latter would be in part to make up for my failure to send out thank you notes to all who truly did remember Marilyn and her family, offering us much needed solace.  It would also be a good way and reason to contact all of Marilyn's address book entries, some of whom may not have yet heard.

I must also admit that my thoughts were also churning on more mundane matters, for example, rerouting the water supply for the new toilet and wondering whether or not compression fittings could be "fit" onto the pipe regardless of how close it might be to the stud or whether I would need to "sweat" the extension on.  Then I rambled on to wondering whether or not I could even find my "sweating" tools or whether I still had them.  And finally, at least for what I'll report here, what kind of support I would need to arrange for the pipe and whether it would cause knocking or excessive wear.  Another example would be mentally reminding myself to buy my MacBook's extended warrantee along with a dozen other things for my to do list, including remaking a to do list for the items, some of which I've already forgotten.

I'd close and publish this post right now except for my dental appointment.  I think I'm going to have to stay away from blueberries.  There may be other sources but something is staining my teeth and I've avoided all of the other orally ingested items I considered possible sources.

It's a pretty sad commentary on my Life after Layoff when the anticipated two significant events in a day are not being able to sleep and a dental appointment.

After writing the above, possibly to avoid the tedium of entering my spending into my budget, I went back to bed for another two and one half hours.  This did kind of rush me through breakfast, getting cleaned up, and making it to the dentist on time.  But, the teeth cleaning was truly the best experience, for that activity, I've had in a long time.  I'd like to say that it was the meditation as I did try to relax through it but it more likely was the dental hygienist.  It may also have been my relatively little amount of plaque.  All is not good news.  The dentist wants me to come back this Friday to have a couple of fillings replaced.  Since I was thinking of not continuing my dental insurance, now is a good time to be taking care of these things.

As I paused while exiting the dental office parking lot, I had this strong urge to go somewhere, anywhere, but home.  Since I couldn't think of where that should be and had my budget still to do, I came on home--and proceeded to update this entry instead of doing my budget.  I'll get right on that.

I was almost done with my budget entries, including making a list of things to find so I could enter them as well, when I received a phone call.  It was a good call that got me up to date on the Marilyn Westbrook Garment Fund.  The head of the National Lymphedema Network has spent a considerable amount of her time on it.  She reported that a speech she gave to an audience in Albany, New York, may have solicited a good donation from a lymphedema sufferer who is also quite well off.  I hope so.  I really want that memorial to be sustained as a lasting memory.

Then I noticed that it was after 1:00 PM.  After I ate my lunch salad, I was still hungry.  So, I decided to make a loaf of beer bread, primarily because I could enjoy it today rather than waiting until tomorrow.  While it tasted good, especially with a honey topping, it didn't raise quite as much as previous loaves.  (Chunky not funky.)  I don't know whether it was my conversion of All Purpose flour with Baking Powder and Salt or my use of Spaten Pils as the beer.  I think European beers have less carbonation than standard U.S. beers.

I think I finally finished with my budget data entry.  It would be far less a chore if I did it more often, which would help me do it more often.  The size of the chore delays it.

Day One-hundred-and-thirty-two: Indoor fountains

My daughter wanted to get something done since the weather wasn't exactly conducive to any outdoor activity, damp and chilly.  So she decided and I agreed in spite of my reservations to install the toilet I have had sitting in the garage for some time.  After taking out the old toilet and measuring things, the water inlet was just a little too close and will have to be moved.  Unfortunately the valve didn't shut the water off completely.

This prompted our first trip to the hardware store to buy a cap to seal where the water was escaping from the valve.  When that didn't work, we made another trip to the hardware store for a replacement valve.  I installed the valve, verified that it was indeed closed, opened up basin faucet, and then restored water to the house by opening the shut off.  My son-in-law remarked that it sounded like spraying and I assured him that I had indeed verified that the new valve was closed but had opened up the basin faucet.  Then I leisurely proceeded into the bathroom to see my indoor fountain.  Even though I quickly turned the valve truly off this time, there was already a lot of water in the only catch basin for a fountain of this type.  I carried out a good six inches of water in the trash can and used several large towels to sop up what I could from the floor.  I have a space heater running in there now and will leave it on until it bothers me tonight.

When I come back from my road trip, I will relocate the water supply pipe a little more to the left so I can install the toilet.  I really like that toilet but part of it is also belief in my own competence.  While I am at it, I will now also replace the base molding to match the other bathroom.  This will allow me to do something worth getting my nail gun out and nail the two pieces not nailed in the hall.

Nothing like a little excitement in my Life after Layoff.  I probably was a little calmer than I would have been without my meditation.  It's not a bad place to be coming from any and all times.

After a hot summer in Davis followed by a warm trip to Florida, my daughter found my house a little cool.  So I had to turn on the furnace.  It isn't on right now because its programmed temperature during the day is 60 degrees but I haven't turned it off, yet.  I hesitate to leave it on because it could lead me to forget to turn it off prior to my road trip.  Even though I intend to take the southern route, I have decided to buy chains for my Prius.  If I don't need them so much the better.  After the amount of time the doors were open today the removal of the damp chill was nice, that is when the furnace came on this evening.

Day One-hundred-and-thirty-one: B-lated B-day

My youngest daughter's birthday was 15 days ago but with her travel to Florida (and her not telling me what she wanted for her birthday until the day before her actual day) we didn't get around to celebrating it until today.  Knowing that I wouldn't be able to celebrate it until late, I went ahead and  bought a belated birthday card, before her actual birthday.  This made it an appropriate card to give her with her present today.  After she opened her gift, we went out an bought her her Christmas gift as well, a rice cooker.  This was so she could use it to make dinner, and use it whenever she wants to in December while I'm on my road trip.  Besides, she didn't want to haul it back from Ohio.

This gift was very good for me since I got the benefit of a hot meal and a Christmas gift already taken care of.  Now I just have umpteen more to go.   I'm not that good at shopping so getting one gift out of the way is a great day in my Life after Layoff.  To have that gift then gift me right back is icing on the cake, which we didn't have, icing that is.  I made a batch of Basic Chocolate Cupcakes from my Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World cookbook.  We ate them with Soy Delicious mint chocolate chip ice "cream."

We also pitched the tent I bought in my living room.  They are encouraging me to use it on my road trip and have offered me the use of one of their mummy bags with its -20 degree rating.  I'm debating with myself on two fronts.  Do I really want to "winter" camp, and do I want to do it with borrowed equipment?  It is true that I will not likely need a sleeping bag with that low of temperature rating if all I'm planning on doing is using it on my motorcycle trip across America (U.S.) and around North America, at least Canada and the U. S.  I can only do these things, if I manage to stay out of work.  I can't ride my motorcycle in snow and on ice anyway.

We went to four stores today:  Fry's Electronics, Gryphon Stringed Instruments, Whole Foods, and Costco.  The Prius couldn't find Gryphon Stringed Instruments because we were spelling it Griffin.  After we drove away from Fry's toward downtown Palo Alto, my son-in-law called 411 and got the address.  We punched it into the Prius navigation system and was directed back to a half block away from Fry's.  We first thought that we had done something wrong because just as the guidance said, "Your destination is on the right," we were passing Fry's.  The Gryphon Stringed Instruments sign was obscured by some trees.  As I was pulling over to reenter the navigation information, since you can't enter it while moving, I noticed the street sign of the road ahead.  It was the street that Gryphon was on, right on the corner.  We had almost parked closer to it than Fry's when we parked in the Fry's parking lot.

At Gryphon, I got to listen to some rather good banjo music as both my son-in-law and a very knowledgeable and skilled sales person tried out and demonstrated several banjos.

First last weekend and now this one.  Having great fun being with great people.  I must admit to feeling a little sorry for myself when I'm alone.

Comcast didn't come again today.  Even though I can still watch TV, I am not going to allow them to charge me for it.  My daughter is encouraging me to cancel my AT&T land line as well.  I must admit, the only real use I make of it is to call 800 numbers and to fax stuff.  My family plan roll over minutes are still accumulating so I should be able to call all the 800 numbers I call from my cell phone.  None of the other people on my family plan have land lines, now that my oldest daughter is off on a new family plan with her husband.

Incoming faxes might be a problem in my Life after Layoff with no employer's fax to use in an emergency, but for outgoing faxes I can always use whatever Kinko's or Mailboxes Etc. morphed into.

Since it appears that my daughter and son-in-law are still on Florida time, I can go to bed early as they have done so already.

Day One-hundred-and-thirty: Narrowed choices

Today my choices for breakfast were narrowed considerably by what was clean to cook in, nothing.  Rather than delay breakfast until after a kitchen clean up, I had a tomato open faced sandwich on a slice of my Almost No Knead whole wheat bread.  Then I had another slice with honey on it.  Not only was the bread good, eating breakfast this way delayed my kitchen cleanup chore.

One nice thing about cleaning up the kitchen is the hot water.  Yesterday I finally broke down and took my thermostat off of "hold" at 58 degrees, which meant that it was to go to the pre-programmed temperature setting.  When the furnace didn't come on, I checked what the programmed setting was only to discover that it was set for 60 degrees during the day.  This was obviously programmed for a time that I was working.  Rather than re-program everything to be more in compliance with my Life after Layoff schedule, I decided to suck it up, put another layer of clothes on, and find some other way to keep warm.  (I should have done the dishes then.)  Ah, the joys of warm water.

After the dishes it was close enough time to eat lunch but since I had already had my tomato for breakfast, I had Bush's chili beans and a salad.  Then I went out and cleaned the gutters.  They weren't as bad as I had thought they might be but they were bad enough.  Some places even had moss growing.  When I was almost done I remembered the gutter scoop that Marilyn had bought and went looking for it in obvious places.  It wasn't in any of them so I completed the chore the slow way.  At least this time I wore gloves, my bulky leather work gloves on hands that already don't fit very well into gutters, let alone clasp the stuff to get it out.  And finally, I made a start of cleaning the rest of my house.  I'll finish the rest tomorrow, hopefully before my youngest daughter and son-in-law arrive.

The Comcast guy never came, but I had already disconnected the cable box.  It's a lot less tempting to turn on the TV when it isn't plugged into anything.  I called and they suggested I call tomorrow. 

After a long gap I've started writing more of the "memories" I have of Marilyn.  I still have a lot to write and may never be finished but I was running out of prepared topics for the blog.  My daughters were right to ask me to do this.  It is good to remember the joy.

Day One-hundred-and-twenty-nine: Work reprised

Well, even though I've titled this "work reprised," it wasn't the work itself.  Today was very much the kind of non-work things I did for so long when I also worked.  I rode BART into San Francisco, buying the commuter paper.  (Yes, my commute was that early.)  I attended a meeting in an office building that was just off the exit I normally used to go to work.  After the meeting I went to Stacey's Bookstore and even bought a book and ate lunch at Henry's Hunan, their 110 Natoma restaurant.  As I walked up Market on my way to Stacey's I was almost by my old office building before I realized it.  I really don't miss working.

I wasn't the oldest person at the Senior Support Group meeting, but it was a close thing.  There were a lot of people from Gap and other Financial Services companies.  At least three were in the Information Technology field.  It was the last meeting for two of them as they had accepted jobs, one after looking for a year and a half.  There was one other person there with a similar attitude as I, if not similar circumstances.  He is not in any rush to find a job and is enjoying his house husbanding.  If it were only more than the house I am husbanding, I might be enjoying it more in my Life after Layoff.

Unlike previous Thursdays where I've dressed up for a San Francisco meeting, came home and dressed down only to dress up again for Toastmasters, today I stayed dressed.  This meant that I didn't get my exercising, or my afternoon sky chair sitting in.

The Toastmasters theme was hamburger, yes the meet patty.  Since the "ground beef" was named hamburger for the city in Germany that supposedly originated it, the word today was "Germany."  It's supposed to be a word that may stretch our vocabulary, not a proper noun.  I tried a little pun and talked about saying "Grr many" times when I was playing with my children when they were young.  It didn't even get a groan.

Next week I get to ask the questions for table topics.  This is the section that is to train members on how to think and speak on their feet.  Except for the impromptu nature of it, it is kind of like the minute or so elevator speech every aspiring junior manager is to have in case they get the ear of a superior in an elevator.  Maybe I used to many poor puns in them as well, but it was truly other reasons that allowed me to be enjoying this Life after Layoff.

Day One-hundred-and-twenty-eight: Paper shortage?

Admittedly it was after noon but while I was out mailing something and buying some salad, I had to go to three places to buy a paper.  I wasn't trying for anything historical, I just wanted a paper for the puzzles in my Life after Layoff without TV, but after getting the absolute last paper at my third stop, I wonder if I shouldn't keep it for history.  But then again, newspaper doesn't really keep all that well.

I did call Comcast to cancel my cable TV.  They have to come out to the house to put a filter on the line.  This is the only way I can keep my Internet connection without TV.  But wait, there's more.  The smallest window in which they can schedule this task is ALL DAY, 8:00 AM to 8:00 PM.  Now I've stayed close to home several days when I didn't have to, just this last Monday for example, but there is something galling about having to stay this close.

Well, a day without TV is more productive.  I decided to start my Almost No Knead bread this morning so I could bake it tonight.  I had to.  I foolishly bought a couple heirloom tomatoes, Caspian Pinks, yesterday and didn't want to waste them in something that would dilute their flavor.  As expensive as they are, I didn't want to take the chance that they may not last until Friday.  So, with my excuses all lined up, I now can eat some great homemade bread.

(By the way, I just thought to check and Cooks Illustrated has their Almost No Knead bread recipe online.  The magazine article has the Whole Wheat variation, which I use in two forms, whole wheat only with two tablespoons of honey dissolved into the water, and without the honey for my olive bread.  Whole wheat just substitutes one of the cups of unbleached white flour with one of whole wheat.  If I wait the prescribed 20 minutes for cooling, it is entirely by accident.)

I've done a number of other things as well but won't bore you with a list.  One of the things though, let me discover that my HP 17" laptop is really messed up.  The other, was that I got my first draft of my Marilyn Westbrook Garment Fund flyer/post started.  This is what I hope to post in friendly spots across the country as I drive back to see family over the holidays.

I've also restarted keeping track of my calorie, fiber, and fat calorie percentage.  Today I've eaten 1,565 calories with 7% of them fat.  I've over done the fiber even though I'm short three grain servings and one fruit serving.  I need to do meal planning if I am to eat the right number of servings from grains, fruits, vegetables, and legumes.  Now its hard to believe that others ever thought me to be a planner.  (It isn't on my 100 favorite things to do.)  At least I need to start reading some of my cookbooks to get better ideas on stuff to make and maybe buy the ingredients.

Being responsible for the "word" last Thursday at Toastmasters made me find at least some of my dictionaries, including a compilation of Ambrose Bierce's definitions from his writings, The Devil's Dictionary.  Ambrose was born in Ohio in 1842.  I am including one of the definitions below, but it is hard to choose.

"Acquaintance, n.  A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.  A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous."