Day One-hundred-and-forty-eight: Retirement costs!

I was not given the opportunity to enroll in my former company's benefits for next year.  This means that until June I will continue my health coverage through Kaiser Permanente, my dental coverage through Delta, and not have any Health Savings Account.  (I'm not too concerned about the latter as I didn't use all of my reduced amount this year.  About the only thing it goes for is dental deductibles and Kaiser co-pays.)

What was disturbing is what I was told about the cost.  After June, my out-of-pocket cost to continue with Kaiser will be $602.41 a month.  That's over $7,200 a year and I'm not eligible for any retirement subsidy, which makes it the full COBRA cost.  At that rate (pun intended), I should go self-insured, or at least look into catastrophic only insurance, which at my desired level of health would be the equivalent of self-insurance.

Of course, a book I'm reading tells me that a person in my situation is more susceptible to heart disease.  I'm hoping that doing all the other things will mitigate the negative impacts of the situation.

House, vehicles, health insurance, food, ... Life after Layoff is expensive.

Out for a haircut and the first posting of my new flyer, back home for lunch, then to Staples for some kind of holder to attach to the flyer for the take away business cards, and then to Whole Foods.  I was going to buy something but the real reason was to post the flyer.  Unfortunately, Staples didn't have anything so I went home to make some of my own.  It is slow going but I can do them.  I don't know how many I can make for the trip between now and the time I leave, with everything else I have to do.  The second one went better.

My oldest daughter was a tremendous help with her editing of the flyer.  I'm planning on taking two or three for her to post when I see her on Thanksgiving.

Normally I'd welcome rain and it looks like it really will but I was planning on washing the Prius.  I vacuumed out the floors but forgot to do the hatch deck.  I also held off washing the windows because I wanted to wait until after I washed the car.  With my busted trip down to Whole Foods, I don't know whether or not I will get that posted before I leave or not.

I had a full dinner:  asparagus, baked potato w/ chili beans, and salad.  I have a lot of food to go through before I leave.  I also have purchased some travel food.  Of course, I'll have to ration the travel food or I could eat it too fast.  With all that I've purchased, I don't think that even I could eat it all on the first day, even if I didn't eat anything else.  Some of it is even good for me.

I'm doing both a list and a collection point.  The guest bedroom is my collection point and the list is my backup.

When I was looking for the double-sided Scotch tape, I found another card that Marilyn had addressed and stamped the envelope.  For this one she had drafted its contents but had never put them on the card itself.  I stopped looking for the double-sided tape after that. 

Day One-hundred-and-forty-seven: Vehicular manslaughter

My title for this entry is "vehicular manslaughter" because it kills me to clean cars.  This is one good reason to do it as infrequently as I do.  I'm not even sure that I put it on my list but I know I needed to do it.  How creepy is this:  an apostrophe and a space converts manslaughter into man's laughter.  I would not want to be around anyone who could laugh at something like that.

I'm also cleaning the truck.  A friend of my son's, in fact a groomsman in my son's wedding, is going to run it for me while I'm off on my road trip.  Since it hadn't been run since the middle of September, it needs it.  It also really needed cleaning, a real good cleaning.

I found a Mother's Day card that I never gave to Marilyn.  I don't know what year I bought it but I remember buying two, one for Marilyn and one for my Mother.  It was the last time I did Mother's Day cards and had to have been earlier than 2007.  Marilyn always bought her Mother's Mother's Day card, whether or not she remembered to send them.  I didn't know I suffered from her card memory, but I'm sure they were for different reasons.  If she were doing the Gerson Therapy at the time, it would have been the reason I never got it filled out.

I also found a parking receipt for March, 2007.  We went over to Berkeley to eat at an organic burrito bar.  I was of mixed emotions for doing so but since she couldn't do Gerson Therapy any more, we both thought we needed to live in the time we had left to do so.  There were so few times in the last two and a third years of her life that we could be the couple rather than the care giver and the patient.  I do so wish that I had been laid off earlier.

I did stay up until 1:30 AM last night signing, stuffing, sealing, and stamping 37 of my Christmas Letters.  I was hoping to finish them up this morning for a combined mailing before 1:00 PM at my local mail box but other things intervened, like vehicular manslaughter.

I also ended up cleaning up a trash mess.  While our trash people are really sloppy and don't do anything extra at all, I think this was really my neighbor's fault.  He must have put something in his trash that was attractive to animals.  All I saw this morning was some items that needed sweeping up and one large item that either was deemed hazardous and not taken or had been dumped and not separately picked up.  What's worse, all of this trash residue was on my drive.  Trashy, a way of Life after Layoff.

The place looks a lot better with the truck out of the drive.  If I could get the garage cleared and put the Prius in it, it would probably even look better.  In the few days I have remaining, before I leave, I may park the Prius on the gravel just to make it look like I'm parking it in the garage.

I'm done with this round of Christmas letters.  I'll drop the last of them in the mail tomorrow or Wednesday.  I know I don't have a lot of addresses and hope that those who don't receive one and should have are understanding.  I didn't send it to one person whose address I did have.  These were people we met in 2004 while hiking on Mt. Baker.  The husband was a college professor and the wife was receiving treatment for a very serious cancer.  The wife took our pictures and sent them to us.  Marilyn emailed back and forth with the wife for a short while, letting her know of her own cancer but I can't help but think the worst has happened for both of us.  As I really didn't know the husband well, or either actually, I don't know what to say.  I've chickened out but they were part of a very special day and with the pictures have given me some great reminders.

Day One-hundred-and-forty-six: Better than To Do lists

As I sit here printing the last half, literally, of my Christmas letter, I thought I would start this day's entry.  I've decided that if I truly want to get on the road in the morning of the day after Thanksgiving, I need to go one step beyond a "to do" list.  I need a schedule.  Of course, what I need and what I'll actually do are vastly different things.  But because I haven't been working diligently every day, I am going to have to be ruthless in what I leave undone, do more stuff on the road trip, and still be more disciplined in my remaining four and one half days before I head out.

I also need a packing list, or at least someplace that I can stack all of the things I want to take.  I'm thinking of new things all the time and have not yet made a note of them or put them anyplace special.  I'll start doing that today and hope that it is soon enough.

I drove the truck to a "touchless" car wash but with all the vehicles already there, I decided to go back home to wash it.  On the way I stopped at a hardware store to buy a hose attachment to wash it.  I should have saved my money.  Not only did it not take off any of the wedding paint, it sprayed me about as much as the truck.  By using an old Dobie, I was able to scrub the paint off of the glass, smooth plastic, and painted body.  I wasn't able to take it off soft rubber or pebbly plastic.  While I was at the hardware store, I was ask about my recent marriage.

I finally found the secret to eating less, stay active.  I was less hungry and ate less of the food that is bad for me with all my outdoor activity.  This might be why most people put on weight during the winter months; it is more difficult to stay active.  (I really don't have that excuse in California.)  I'm still learning in my Life after Layoff.  

Since tomorrow is also the every other week green waste pickup, I not only swept up the driveway gutter before I washed the truck, I swept the back and side walks.  I filled the thing.

It was so nice out, rather than continue working, I went out and sat in the sky chair.

Then later, after dark I started on signing my Christmas Letters.  All in all, a relatively productive day.

Day One-hundred-and-forty-five: Running out of time

Since I am "running out of time," I did what I normally do in those situations, I procrastinate. This means that I watched a lot of football rather than get any of my real work done. I was so lazy today that I had to turn on the furnace to compensate for my lack of activity.

Not that I only watched TV but the amount I watched didn't allow me to make a lot of progress. I did get a too wordy draft of a flyer I hope to post on my Den of Inequities tour. As substantially the only thing I got partly done today, I should post it. I did already send it by email to a few of my regular readers. Actually, by using my "family" distribution list, it may have made it to more readers than posting it here would show it to. Ah, obscurity in my Life after Layoff.

By posting it here, I'm doing something I have avoided thus far, directly posting my name. It wouldn't have been all that difficult for anyone to figure it out as several of my posted links show my name, but this is yet another line erosion. But even posting my name doesn't mean that I will be posting other peoples' names, even as my relationship descriptions get a little awkward at times. (I haven't had anyone who might be reading this tell me to go ahead and use their name.)

And now for the flyer draft:

As if cancer patients didn’t have enough to deal with, many cancers and cancer treatments cause chronic lymphedema. Many people, including some in the medical profession will tell you that there is no effective treatment. But, THERE IS!

The swelling of lymphedema can also be life threatening due to increased susceptibility to infections. However, it most often causes severe mobility issues as swelling around joints restrict their motion or the mass of the fluid that builds up cannot be easily moved with overstrained muscles. Then there is the reduced circulation that can cause other problems and pain, which is a problem on its own.

The most effective treatment, in conjunction manual lymph drainage massage therapy, is garments specifically designed for treating lymphedema and custom fitted for the sufferer. Unfortunately as many states do not recognize these garments as medical devices, many insurance companies do not cover them.

As a memorial to Marilyn Westbrook, who passed away from cancer December 23, 2007, the Marilyn Westbrook Garment Fund has been established. She also suffered from lymphedema as a byproduct of her cancer. It was so bad in her left leg that she had become bedridden. The day after she got her garment from Don Kellogg of Telesto Medtech, (Visit http://www.telesto-medtech.com/ for more specific information about their garments.); she was back up and moving around the house. What’s even better, she was able to participate in her daughter’s wedding. Read more about this story at http://www.lymphnet.org/patients/westbrookFund.htm.

The National Lymphedema Network, a 501(c)(3) organization http://www.lymphnet.org/, was established to educate the medical profession and patients that there were treatment options on dealing with lymphedema. It has expanded its charter to help provide garments to people suffering from lymphedema who could not otherwise afford them.

If the Marilyn Westbrook Garment Fund had to subsist on my money alone, the “memory” would be far too short and the help far too little. Please join me in relieving the suffering of others by donating to the fund. Help give the gift of “living” to those who need to make every moment count. Even those who are cured of their cancer cannot truly live, if they have been left with the debilitating effects of lymphedema.

Thank you,


Doyle Westbrook
Loving husband of Marilyn Westbrook
P.S. Read about Marilyn’s life as it is being written for the grandchildren she will never know at http://memories-of-marilyn.blogspot.com/.

Day One-hundred-and-forty-four: The Dependable Mail

Two days ago, Wednesday, I thought it was interesting but not significant when I recycled all my mail before I made it back into the house. Then yesterday, Thursday, I didn't get any at all. Now, I must admit that I don't really wish for much of the mail I do get, but ever since I listened to The Secret, I have been expecting checks. Now the time that each day's mail is delivered can vary so I didn't think it was significant that it wasn't there when I check throughout the afternoon. When I checked at 10:40 PM, I finally had to concede that I wasn't getting any. (I don't want to ruin a good story but I actually go into the garage for other purposes and check while I'm out there. Finding all those separate reasons to go into the garage could be quite taxing if I didn't recycle so much.) I didn't check until 6:30 PM today. There was mail but no checks.

I mixed up a batch of Almost No Knead Bread last night. Before I could bake it, I had to clean the kitchen. I probably would have done the cleaning anyway but it did require getting on it early so I could have the bread for lunch, a late lunch. While I thought about eating it all, I restrained myself. Besides, after the Spicy Mole Oatmeal Chili and the Mango Black Bean Salad, I was so full I could only eat one slice. It made a great dessert with honey on it. Even though I have some more Earth Balance spread, I forbore to applying it.

I learned today that my brother-in-law was laid off today. There's a lot of this going around. Unlike me with my empty nest, he still has all of his children at home, with one heading off to college next year and the other soon to follow. With the crashing stock market and the burgeoning unemployment, my Life after Layoff is not as stress free as I would have liked, but I remember back to early 1994 when I had much the same situation. I was really stressed then.

I don't know whether or not it was this by way of this blog or not, but I have received emails from others who are out of work with families. I can't get my mind off of the old joke: "Recession is when you are out of a job. Depression is when I'm out of a job." The I's have it. Too many people are in a depression. My savings is down over 40% from its high, including the thousands I put into it over the years from its high to now. I should be able to continue my freedom through next year but without some recovery, I will need more income than I had hoped after that.

I don't know how long my trip back for my visiting, particularly now that I have some work to do on that end of it, but I had thought to make stops at casinos along the way and call it my "Den of Inequities" tour. I'm willing to share my winnings, particularly since I had some visitors who left grubstakes. It can't add that much time and may help me win as I will quit while I'm ahead more easily to get on the road and avoid long losing streaks to get back on the road.

I started printing my Christmas letter but stopped less than but almost half way through. I knew I couldn't just load the printer and have it print so after printing the first one, I tried printing five. The first page/side printed fine so I restocked them to print the second page/back side. Those didn't feed correctly, ruining three of my Christmasy bordered sheets. So I printed a bunch more of side one and printed the back side individually. Then I doubled the number I was printing for side one, except I put them in the wrong way and printed three with the first page on the back. After I corrected my error, while printing the rest of the first page batch, there was a misfeed. In short, including my draft sample, I've messed up eight of my 100 sheets and it is taking far longer than I thought it would. Only two aren't useable, as in illegible, so if I absolutely need to, my family will be getting less than perfect Christmas letters. Since I wrote it, it is pretty well guaranteed that all others will as well, but some of them will look better.

I just wish I could find her other address book.

Day One-hundred-and-forty-three: Speaking again

Late last night in the fog, I spent an extra amount of time in the sky chair. As it was in the forties, I needed to dress warmly but it was really quite pleasant. Even the noticeable and frequent jet engine sounds were not a problem. I did miss the animal antics and sounds but any time and every time out there seems relaxing.

Just before my late night outdoor experience, I had talked with the founder of Telesto Medtech, the person who supplied Marilyn's quite effective lymphedema garment. He was telling me that he was supplying a set of garments for a person's feet who heard about this possibility from the Marilyn Westbrook Garment Fund and may be getting support from the fund. I know that his garments work. It is so great that Marilyn is having such a beneficial impact well beyond her life. I couldn't ask for a better memorial. If this is the only accomplishment in my life, particularly my Life after Layoff, it is all worth it.

Today I called and canceled my land line. I've already unplugged the three charging stations and disconnected the base station from the jack. Now I will need to remember where all I have signed up for things using that number, like Staples, or simply remember the number. I will need to tell Toastmasters at tonight's meeting. Other than Toastmasters and my children, most of the calls were nuisance calls, including yet another survey yesterday. (I thought they were all done with the election being over.)

Tonight's my speech night at Toastmasters. Rather than stay up later tonight posting it, I decided I would once again post it early, already getting double duty out of it. At my normal reading speed it is just a shade too short. So I will have to make sure I speak slowly and distinctly. Here it is:

I had planned on taking my recently received Toastmaster packet with me on my six-week road trip and mapping out all of my remaining nine speeches. Then this opportunity occurred. I was at a loss. What would I speak on?

Fortunately, last Friday, as I was doing the crossword puzzle, no longer simply because I like doing them but because they are supposed to help fight Alzheimer’s, it hit me. Right there was my topic: 29 Down: “Firm belief,” and the answer was “FAITH.”

My brain went from zero to 60 in nothing flat. From nothing to speak on, I now had too much, even without research. I don’t know which is worse. I’ve decided to speak to the framework that I’ve created for future research, and perhaps other speech topics. [You might say this speech has been edited for time and sensibility, well maybe not sensibility.]

Let me be very clear. This speech is not about religion although most religions are all about belief. My framework is simply a way for me to think about belief. To this end, I now “believe” that belief is manifested in four different ways, which may be levels of increasing belief. After introducing my names for them, I will further define each one. My names are:

• Belief in Faith Facts,
• Trust, or belief in others,
• Internal manifestation of belief, and
• External manifestation of belief.

Belief in “Faith Facts” has to be the most common. I see it as simply the unquestioning acceptance of assumptions, premises, or tenets as if they were fact. Even the acceptance of scientific results without an understanding of the science involved is a matter of belief and thus a “Faith Fact” for the believer.

In such an interdependent world “Trust” should also be common. But I attribute most of this interdependency to a form of “Faith Facts,” if a belief at all and not despondency. We “believe” labels until we know them to be untrue. How many people buy pet food they now know originated in China? Unfortunately, our trust in others is undermined from childhood as we are taught to be fearful of strangers. I myself have teased my youngest daughter about being gullible. Now I realize that doing so just undermines her trust in me. It is something special for someone to have that level of trust. More, it is a fundamental wrong in our society when our first reactions have to be suspicious to protect ourselves from being taken advantage of.
[In a related aside: It was coincidence, but just after I selected this topic I happened to be walking by a bakery. The bread smelled so good, I had to go in. I read the ingredients listed on a loaf of whole wheat bread and was glad to see that it was egg and dairy free. But then I asked. It turned out that it did contain dairy. I don’t know whether my trust was improved by the clerk’s honesty or my belief in labels was undermined.]

When I think of “internally manifested” belief, I think of mind over body. According to recent news reports, some doctors are giving out placebos as much 70% of the time. In fact, the belief that a sugar pill can cure is so powerful that it has a name, the placebo effect. I believe that it goes both ways. Could not the poor results for some drugs that have proven effective in rats and other lab studies be due to the belief that the drug won’t work?

What is left is the category I’ve labeled as “external manifestation” but may be more correctly named “beyond belief.” If internal is mind over body, then external is mind over environment, where the results are a noticeable change for which the only explanation is belief. I'm not sure into which category visible healing should fall. There is a quite common saying that cynics have for this category, “I’ll believe it when I see it.” With all the movie special effects, even that may no longer make it believable.

I’ve briefly defined each of the stages or categories in my characterization of belief: Faith Facts, Trust, Internal and External.

In closing, I want to leave you with this thought:

Can belief be developed, grown from little or nothing? (In asking this question, I’m excluding a religious conversion experience.) As a natural cynic who should have been born in Missouri, I certainly hope so. I’m working on trust now.

Day One-hundred-and-forty-two: Down to a precious few

I'm not going to start trying to rhyme my entry titles, although I was pleased to realize that this one did rhyme. (Although it doesn't scan.)

Today also seemed more productive, more like Monday. While I did add a few things that I should do before I leave, I can't do most of them until next week. And "should" is a long way from "must." Of the things that truly must be done, I have only two or three on my current list that can even be done this week. One of them is print my Christmas Letter. I'm going to have to print them in small batches to make sure I don't run out of ink part way through a longer batch and ruin too many. In fact, since I need to sign them, I will be definitely be printing them no later than Friday. Right now I have 91 addresses. I may hand write one as my mailing labels come 30 to a sheet.

I tried an afternoon soy latte again but I don't think it will keep me awake tonight. I have an early day tomorrow and have to be out of here by 9:00 AM. (My early days in my Life after Layoff are nothing like my early days when I was "working for a living.") It's nice to not have to get up by an alarm clock even on my "early days."

I had a decent talk with the person who made Marilyn's last days "living" ones, allowed her to attend her daughter's wedding. He was telling me about a lymphedema sufferer that he was able to help because the patient's therapist learned of him through the Marilyn Westbrook Garment Fund. It is great that there are tangible results and that Marilyn can have this impact, touching even more lives. The founder of the National Lymphedema Network and host of the fund tells me that testimonials, from some of the people who have been helped, are going to be posted on the NLN site soon.

I think when I get back, I will need to do a picture retrospective of all the times that I took a picture of Marilyn's hand. It wasn't nearly as many times as I could have because even I gave up after a while. What I regret most is all of the pictures that I now don't have of her hand and the other pictures I then didn't take.